Yoga is such a powerful force. It brings thoughts to the surface that I never would have even been connected to. Today we had a long guided meditation during Shavasana. I never think I need those (Shavasanas or guided meditations)… I never think I need stillness and passive poses, but indeed, every time I partake, I am blown away because it gives my brain actual space to think, regenerating me and filling me up with ideas and creativity.
Today got me thinking about the difference between want and desire. I might want a lot of things, sure. But what is it I truly desire? What am I willing to work for? What am I willing to sacrifice for? What am I willing to hold an unwavering vision for? What am I willing to truly allow into my experience?
Right now I’m working on reprogramming my unconscious thoughts. I am retraining my brain so every time I have a negative a thought, which usually begins with “I can’t “ or “I’ll never”, I actively change that to “I can” or “I am” or “I do”. This goes for crazy poses-whoops, see that slip: “crazy”– ok, so let me reprogram here …that goes for challenging poses where my brain instantly gives up. Before my body even does, my brain shuts down and says no. And since yoga is a microcosm of life, I think to myself – where else am I doing that?
If I have programmed into my head, for instance, certain ideas about the my career (ie: “Animation is almost impossible to get into” or “There are no real opportunities for women in Promo”), I am actually telling myself this- and in essence, telling the universe – because the universe is responsive to our thoughts and energy. We are creating our future every moment. Everything that is in our lives now is the sum total of our past thoughts, feelings and actions. We have an opportunity every moment to start creating something different. The key is to have patience and faith. The universe doesn’t instantly respond. It takes the outside world a lot longer to catch up to where you are on the inside. That’s the work. You practice being the change you want, you practice it faithfully, with both discipline and surrender -surrender to when the results will show up.
Ok so maybe I’m just regurgitating The Secret but it’s amazing how I need to be reminded sometimes, and how something is so different when you get it in your gut, as opposed to getting it intellectually. This morning I got it in my gut again.
Right now, despite plenty of work and a pretty darn full and awesome life, I feel am in the place of nothingness as Deepak would say – the place of pure potentiality. This is place where I can often start to feel scared, stuck, freaked out or helpless because nothing is seemingly happening. It feels like my goals aren’t being realized, I’m not getting anywhere, blah blah blah… but in truth this is the most exciting place to be, because this is where – if you do the work– things actually are changing and happening. You just can’t see them.
So right now I am “doing the work”. I am rowing the boat. I am showing up at yoga, I’m using that gym membership 3 times/week, taking singing lessons and actually practicing, going to workshops and classes and auditions. I am paying down debt. And I am visioning. I am visioning a happy healthy family and a new house (with brand new hybrid car in the driveway!) I envision myself driving onto the lot at Cartoon Network and having the gate guy let me in immediately. Because he knows who I am. Because I’m here every day for work on a hit animated tv show. If we can’t imagine, or “see” these things, how can we ever hope to get them? Sometimes the work is just sitting down and taking time to vision these things and make them real in the mind’s eye. The physical will follow suit if we hold the picture steadily.
Sometimes there are no parades. No Mariachi bands in our honor. No outward glory or accolades. Sometimes there’s nothing exciting to post on Facebook or Twitter. Sometimes, there is just the work. And the promise that by and by, the things you truly desire will come to pass.
What’s your work right now?